just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
