So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
only you would photoshop your dick
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
