You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
