Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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