Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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