she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
