i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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