You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
