I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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