Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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