The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
