Someone shit on the floor
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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