"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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