She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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