So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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