Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
