unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
there is glitter all over my balls
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