She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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