You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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