god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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