what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
