Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
