Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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