Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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