Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
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I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
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You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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