ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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