You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
