Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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