If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
