i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize