alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
