Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
