I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
