i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Let the clothes fall where they may.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
