You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
