the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
