This is not my ceiling
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
