so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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