none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
