I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
