He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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