Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
