Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just sent this text using only my big toe
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
