Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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