Got a toothbrush?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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