Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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