We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
