we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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