Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize