dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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