I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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