I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
