I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
