I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
