I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
