Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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