I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
