I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
