I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
