apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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