In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize