I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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