when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
