yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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