Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this will be a night to untag.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my poor anus
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
