How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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