a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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