I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
