So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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