she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i came on her dog
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
