so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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