This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
