Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
